there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
