I puked a lego.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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