a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
