Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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