Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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