I'm really into asian looking animals
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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