Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
