I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
love makes seman taste better
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
