Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
