it hurts more in the daytime
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
