i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
