i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
