Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
