I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
