Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
