On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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