I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
