I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
vagina is talking i cant
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
