she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
