OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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