he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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