i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
