I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
love makes seman taste better
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
