He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
it hurts more in the daytime
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
