By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
