Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
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You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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