well I can't set my house on fire every night
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
