respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
