god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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