you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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