I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
