Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
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Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
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Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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