This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Boobs speak an international language.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
