it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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