They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
the liver wants what the liver wants
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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