I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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