I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
