she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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