I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
