its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
