i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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