i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
