and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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