I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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