My friends, they love my intelligence
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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