maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
How's work?
Spinning.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
