Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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