I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
