Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
