Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
