I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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