I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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