So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
