Are we in a gay sports bar?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
