He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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