You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
