and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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