they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
