life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
