i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
