My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i was born a porn star she said
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize