I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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