that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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