I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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