the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
