I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
