Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
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