Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
