The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
