god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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