I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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