After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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