if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
