i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
