she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
