I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
