My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
