Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
