Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
