I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so let's talk penis.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
