It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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