"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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