My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
