went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
