We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Green mimosas i think yes
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
