I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
