just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
50% drunk capacity currently
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
