ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
